Mixed emotions, messy thoughts

I’ve talked before about my feelings and reaction to R coming out and other things. Now I want to talk about the variety and vast range and number of thoughts and emotions I have experienced during this journey. Reading some of the articles, discussion and comments about trans children and their parents has made me consider how I’ve felt during all this.

If I could choose, I would probably choose for R not to be trans. I desperately want to protect my child, and I know they face a difficult life because they are trans. If I could do something to avoid them feeling that hurt I would do it.

But, a bigger part of me is glad and knows for absolute certain that coming out and being supported has been a very positive thing for R and us.

Prior to coming out, when R took pills and was so unhappy I was terrified. It was a very real possibility that I would lose R. Every step to being more open and transitioning socially means R is happier and I am less scared of losing them.

Seeing the positive impact of how we have handled R coming out tells me we are doing the right thing.

If only those who criticise, make accusations and are so hurtful could experience being a trans kid, or at least the parent of a trans kid. i’m no expert but I’m doing the best I can and don’t deserve to be attacked for being the best mum I can and what keeps my kid alive.

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